Jenny Gutjahr's Journal
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Jenny Gutjahr's LiveJournal:
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| Thursday, October 6th, 2005 | | 10:23 pm |
Last entry.
I have a new journal. Yeah, yeah...I'm taking that route. If you want to be added to my friends list there, just say so. Make a comment and I'll add your LJ name. If I don't want you there, I won't add you. Easy as that. Later kiddies. Current Mood:  apathetic | | 12:15 pm |
| | Sunday, October 2nd, 2005 | | 2:32 am |
Ugh...
I am so f-ing drunk right now. I can barely type a word. *LoL* It's 2:30 in the morning and of course I'm feeling like a piece of shit. I was asked the craziest thing tonight. It was so crazy that it caught me off guard. The rumor mill is an amazing thing. Apparently, I'm on cocaine now. I just can't believe that anyone thought that. Where did this come from? I have this strong urge to apologize for shit that I don't really feel sorry for. I'm not sorry that I hate some people. I used to love people. I remember that. Now, I can't stand most people for more than a few hours at a time. I'm beginning to wonder just how alone I'll be in the next five years at this rate. I'm not scared of being alone or anything, but it is a thought to consider. I know that my real friends will still be there like they always have been. People come and go, but my honest to god friends will stick by me. I made the "mean" post go away. Apparently, I'm all wrong again and nobody has said anything but nice things about me. *cough* At least, this is what I've been told. I suppose I should apologize for using the word "cunt" in anger toward the wrong people, but I won't. Nobody else has to answer for their words or actions (Matt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!), so I'm not going to either. >:-P So, I guess I'll just keep my trap shut from now on. This will most likely be my last post of this piece of shit journal. I might post pics of the critters every so often, but no real updates. Ugh...feeling drunk and like an asshole. There is nothing better. Why am I always the fucking bad guy? Why do I care? People suck. I have to go walk the dogs. Current Mood:  drunk | | Monday, September 12th, 2005 | | 1:42 pm |
Go me!
So, this is a bit of a self-centered post, but who cares? I climbed on a scale today and officially weighed in. In nine months, I have lost 42 pounds. Holy shit on a shingle! I am back to the same weight I was when I was in Junior High School. I am so proud of myself for finally doing it! It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it. I feel so much better. It's so nice to be able to wear *everything* you own. Actually, a lot of my clothes are actually (drumroll, please) too big! The secret to my success? -Portions: You do not need mulitple helpings of everything. Eating smaller portions really helps. I just eat until I'm full and then give the rest to one of my starving roomies. :-P -Being active: Do not confuse this for exercise. I didn't lift one weight or do one crunch. I just do not have the time to work out or go to the gym. Sorry. I have way to much to do at home. Instead, I just clean...a lot. I try to keep my butt off of the couch as much as possible. Having a dog helps. -No more soda: That syrupy, sugary, goodness is so bad for you! I admit that I slip every so often (but usually for a Coke Zero or other such thing) especially when I need caffeine, but it's usually Dasani water for me. :-) For the first time in more than six years, I actually feel somewhat good about myself. *rawr* Current Mood:  Proud | | Sunday, September 4th, 2005 | | 9:01 pm |
| | Saturday, August 27th, 2005 | | 1:03 am |
BIG MOVING DAY SUNDAY
I just wanted to let everyone know that we are planning on moving the last of our stuff out of the apartment on Sunday. Most of our crap it out of there, but we still have a few big things and heavy awkward things to move. Anybody feeling generous with a truck, van, SUV, etc would be a HUGE help. Any spare vehicles at all would be nice. Plus, just having the man-power will make it easier. We can help with gas money as long as it's reasonable of course. Let me know if you can help! *thankies* Current Mood:  busy | | 12:32 am |
Taking five
Well, we are still in the process of moving and fixing up the house. The good news is that it's coming along great. Bad news is that it's still going to take alot of work and time to get everything done the way we want it. My room is a blinding neon green and that sort of irks me, but not so much to make me nuts. I'll just hang stuff everything and who will really notice the walls that are as bright as the sun? Heh...Brad's room looks sexier everyday. Jim is basically moved in. Looks like things are going okay. I'm a bit sad though. I've been worse, but the heavy feeling is back again. Things will be okay, but the transition is hard. It's not that I hate change...I hate the feeling of loss. None of this makes sense. Ugh. I want a puppy...or some kind of cute critter. I know I have enough, but whatever. I'm going to do it anyway, so you'll might as well be happy for me. :-) It's just going to be so nice once the fence is up in the next month or so. The yard looks so nice now that we've cleaned it all up and cut it. The ditches are a bitch, but once they're done, they look nice. Our yard looks huge compared to the way it looked when we first got here. The neighbors keep telling us what a great job we're doing. They say the lawn hasn't looked this good in years (I heard that from different neighbors!). Jim's Aunt is one of our neighbors to the right of us. She has already brought up zuchinni bread, gooey buttercake, death by chocolate, and oatmeal and raisen cookies....all freshly baked and warm from the oven. *yummy* We took her brownies this morning to say thanks. Everyone has been so great. We are just trying so hard to make this house our home, ya know? We want everything to be perfect (or at least as perfect as we can make it). We re-tiled the bathroom floor and painted like crazy. We've laid trim in nearly every room. We had to put all new handles on the cabinets in the kitchen and paint all of that. We had a wall and door built for Brad's room. He's finishing up his painting and such as I speak. The laundry room is as good as it's going to get for now. We still need to tackle the garage. Well, I'm just blabbing about my new pad. I think I'm going to take a break and play the Sims 2 for a few. I hope everyone out there is doing okay. Drop me a line here and let me know what's up with you guys!!! I miss ya'll!!! | | Tuesday, August 9th, 2005 | | 3:03 am |
Packing sucks...
...but I can't wait to get moved! I got a new digi cam. *grin* I love this damn thing. It is a 6.5 mp and that makes me pee with happiness! I can use it as a voice recorder, camcorder, MP3 player, webcam, plus all this other crap I don't even understand! I adore overstock.com. I've been taking pictures like a person that just discovered what a camera is. See my pretty boy?  Isn't he handsome? Some little girl saw that pic of him and said he looked like the devil. I slapped her. Kidding!!!! Kidding. Geez. What do you take me for? Wanna see Jim's big bunny, Buddha? He is a flemish giant and is only about five months old. He is super sweet though and loves Jim to pieces. :-)   Okay, I really have to sleep now. Current Mood:  tired | | Saturday, July 30th, 2005 | | 12:12 am |
I'm feeling sexy!
God, I feel like ripping my clothes off and dancing around to loud music like a stripper gone mad! I just want to cut loose and shake my ass and wiggle around in cute little circles. Have you ever had one of the weird urges? You know, like to lick a peach at the store? Not that I have those thoughts are anything. I just have these bizarro urges shoot through me. That's one reason why I think I get in so much trouble. Heh. :-) But, seriously, I really want to dance around like a fool. *wiggle wiggle* note: So sorry I wasn't at the City Museum. I had to work...alot. :-( Current Mood:  Seductive | | Tuesday, July 19th, 2005 | | 2:27 am |
Movin' on up!
I cannot wait to move! *eagerly eyes the date* I'm going to miss a lot of people out here. Thanks for being good friends, guys. Remember, it's only 25 minutes away and you can visit anytime!!! Plans for house: Powerwash the house Powerwash the garage Paint the garage Paint all three porches Paint the bedrooms Paint window borders Paint kitchen cabinets Get stair rail Get window unit ac Put up fence Pull ALL weeds Door for Brad Fix closet/shelf thing Buy a freezer Buy weedwacker New curtains Slip covers for couch/chair New table Four new chairs Concrete steps for porch Vent/hole cover New mailbox for street I am so freakin' excited! I already have the plans in motion for the colors going on my walls in my bedroom. There is already existing evergreen carpet that is fairly new. The walls are currently painted Strawberry Shortcake pink. It's hideous. That is the first thing that has got to go. So, in order to keep things consistent with the evergreen carpet, porches, window trims, etc I am going to paint my ceiling evergreen. I think it will look pretty good with white walls and a green ceiling. The two upstairs rooms are sort of doll-house like so, the paint job will probably only empasize that, but I think it will be cute. :-) Brad wanted to paint his walls red to go with his red and black theme he has going now. But, the existing carpet would make Bras's room like Christmas all year long! *LoL* So, he is open for suggestions, guys! So, it looks like August 6th is the day we get to start moving in. Woot! Current Mood: excited | | Thursday, July 14th, 2005 | | 12:48 am |
Vroom-vroom!
Firstly, thanks to all for the fence advice. Unfortunately, I can't knock down the existing fence as it is the neighbor's. It just borders half of our backyard. I figured we could just box in the rest of ours. We have pretty much decided that unless the cost difference is astronomical, we are going wood privacy. That way we can barbeque in peace...and hang out naked in the backyard. :-P I drove to Peoria today. The trip felt fast. It was over and done before I knew it. I was meeting up with a new glider owner that was taking in Buttercup (one of my female joeys). Poor guy's breaks went out right in the middle of Peoria and he lives up by Chicago. He was three hours away from home and I heard the mechanic tell him it was going to be $325 to get his car fixed, plus he was giving me $150. I felt bad, but I held up my end of the bargain. It's okay, it sounded like his dad just wired him the money or whatever. I'm sure he made it home okay. My parents made me an offer out of the blue. I owe SIUE $1200+ before I can go back to school. My rents offerend to pay it. *gasp* They are poor. How are they going to do it? I don't care anymore. I would love to finish up that damn degree. Soooo, I have to remember to give SIUE a call and find out what the price is to get my soul back. Moving, moving, moving...can't wait! I get to paint and love doing that. Something about it just makes me feel accomplished. I also have a hell of a lot of weeding to do. The enire yard has weeds from hell. They even have those giant sunflowers in the back. Now, I like sunflowers as much as the nest gal, but c'mon. Those things have got to go. They have tomatoes in the back too, but their location is all wrong. I'm going to pull those too and just start fresh (this could be a DJ assisted project). :-) Well, I'm off to watch an angsty teen flick. Jessi got me all on a darkness of youth kick. Current Mood: good | | Tuesday, July 12th, 2005 | | 3:54 am |
Dancing Queen!!! *La la la la*
It's four in the morning and I have to make it brief. I had a blast out dancin' tonight. It felt good to be around people. :-) I especially like dark gothy folks, so all around it worked out well for me. I *finally* got to put my good vinyl boots to use. I mean, I love those things, but never have an excuse to break them out. Tonight was a perfect reason. So, I drank too much, smoked too much, and probably flirted too much, but I had a great time. Another good note, we did look at the house and I think it's going to work out just fine. I do need to do some painting and some other little things, but that's alright with me. I love the dining room. I can easily see myself just hanging out in there. Plus, the laundry room is huge! I'm equally amazed that it even has a laundry room! Any loyal readers out there know anything about fencing? We really want to fence in at least our backyard, but I have no freakin' clue how much it will cost. We want to finish off what are neighbor started with her six foot wood privacy fence. Would we be able to do that ourselves? Should we just pay someone to do it? I don't knwo where to start. Ugh, I gotta end it. Work sucks balls. Current Mood: amused | | Sunday, July 10th, 2005 | | 3:04 am |
Thank (enter deity of choice here)!!!!
So, despite puking my guts out all fucking day long, I'm in a fantastic mood...now anyway. Why, you ask? Well, it's most likely because I'm looking at our *maybe* new house tomorrow!!!!!!! You heard right, Ladies and Gentlemen. We have actually found a prospective new place. It's a three bedroom house (not apartment, not condo, not trailer...house) with a basement and a detached two car garage. Eeekkk! I can't wait to see the inside tomorrow!!! It has a big yard so Cory is going to be one happy dog. We are going to fence in the yard for him with the money we will be saving on rent. Oh yeah! Did I mention that this place is CHEAPER than the 2 BR place we are in now? Damn, I'm excited! Sorry, I just had to spit that out there. Let's see, what's else is new? Nada. I borrowed a few gothic pieces of clothes from a co-worker of mine. She lent me this cute little vinyl number that I cannot wait to pour myself into. But, she also let me borrow this killer pleated black skirt with these awesome eyelets on it. It's very punk. Decisions...descisions... (Note to self: You slipped. It's okay, but be careful.) Back to puking! I got sent home from work today because I couldn't keep anything down. I had a damn migraine that was so bad it made me super nauseous. I thought it was food poisoning at first, but once I came home and slept it off I felt a ton better. That's why I'm up so late. I took a two hour long nap earlier and now I can't sleep. A friend of mine called me trippin' balls tonight. It was hilarious! This chica is too cute for words anyway, but hearing her yack a mile a minute and tell these GREAT stories just kept me laughing!! This is for her: *PoKe* *pOkE. Oh yeah! Congrats to Erin and Doug! I just heard about the bundle! *clap* Alright, back to my cage with me. Current Mood:  awake | | Saturday, June 18th, 2005 | | 3:00 pm |
*poke*
I'm in a good mood today! Good enough to post about it anyway. Things have been going well. Stevie took me to Red Lobster the other day and it was so nummy. :-D I have seen Episode III twice and want to see it again. Batman Begins rocked my freakin' socks!!! Next on my list is War of the Worlds and then I might sneak in some Fantastic Four. Kick-ass. Ummm...tomorrow is Father's Day y'all. Just a reminder. Here is a big ol' "Fuck You" to people who don't understand what an invitation is. Gah...take a hint! I want to go back to school. I want to finish college so bad! I somehow need to come up with $1200 before that can happen. Yeah right. I could sell an organ or something...not mine of course. *LoL* I'd post more, but it's just so pointless, you know? *runs off to make a chocolate shake* | | Saturday, May 7th, 2005 | | 7:02 pm |
READ !! Open Invite !! READ
Feeling a bit social tonight. Come on over. Please BYOB, but please BYOB. Lots of drunken stupidness awaits all those who enter here. Anytime is good. Call if you want (two-five-nine seven-four-eight-two). If I'm not here, I'll be right back. I'm off to make my first beer-run. :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) Current Mood:  flirty | | Thursday, May 5th, 2005 | | 10:00 am |
Road Trip
I'm heading out to Crystal Lake, Illinois today. It's probably going to be about 14 hours round trip. Hopefully, it will do me some good. Things are going okay. People have been so great about everything. Thank you all for so much support. *hugs* I miss Steve. I not sleeping in bed with him. I being so skittish around him for fear of displeasing him for some stupid reason. I that we aren't a "we" anymore. I that we went through so much only to lose the battle with ourselves. I that we made it so far and for so long and now it just crumbles to bits right in front of me...and I'm helpless to stop it. I that we have to push ourselves so far before we finally talk to each other. Why did it have to come to this? I don't want to lose him. He acts like being friends is the same thing. Well, it isn't. I don't know how I feel about dating. I don't really have any urge to date or even to look. I guess that's because it's so soon. However, this was no big surprise. Trust me, we both saw this one coming. I'm not saying that makes any of it easier, but that is the way it is. I could never get dates in high school. Boys weren't interested in me. Then I hooked up with Steve fresh into college and here we are now. I guess, I'm a little insecure about the whole thing. I certainly don't want another heavy relationship for a very long time...if ever. I've pretty much determined that marriage is not in the cards for me. Nope. Not my thing. I think what breaks my heart more than anything else is that I really believed we'd be together forever. I did. I really thought that we were the one couple that would outlast it all. We'd have babies and make a family and be happy. I assumed he would always be there to keep me sane and make me smile. *sigh* The bitter bite of lonliness is already nipping at my heart. It just hurts so bad. I'm done with this. Current Mood:  sad | | Monday, May 2nd, 2005 | | 11:27 am |
So, this is rock bottom...
...and it's a scary place. Steve and I are officially over. This is by far the absolute hardest thing I have ever had to do. I tried so hard to prepare myself. I was stupid to think I'd ever be ready to lose someone so important to me. I'm devestated. It hurts when somebody doesn't want you anymore. It hurts alot. I can't blame him. Look at me. Look at the things I've done. So much for my social comeback. I want little more than to crawl into bed and never wake up. Nearly five years...gone. It's over so fast. Current Mood: crushed | | Monday, April 25th, 2005 | | 11:56 am |
Social Re-Awakening
Okay, no more hiding under rocks. No more keeping the peace. No more sticking to the shadows. I've given all of the parties involved out there time to "let things blow over". Either things have blown over or they just plain aren't going to (which is the way things are going right now). Certain people won't let certain things just lay to rest. If you need closure to the situaion...I understand. Get your closure! However, if you are just going to crab and whine and complain and yell and throw crap...then shut it. I've done my part. I've stayed out of it. I locked myself in my house and refused to enter any situation at all that could cause trouble. I quit game. I quit going to parties. I gave up on fun...all because of you. Now, I'm done playing this stupid game. Get over it. Get over yourself. I've apologized and you have thrown it in my face. I've been kind. I've helped you out. I even gave you some of MY dinner that YOU had nothing to do with. Do I get a thanks? No. Fine, you don't want to be civil? That's your choice. I've done my best to keep from fanning the fires. I just want to be okay. I'm not saying that we should hold hands and skip through fields all fancy and free, but we can exit our homes at the same time without acting like the other party isn't there. A wave won't kill anyone. Everyone else has dealt with it, why can't you? And quit giving mutual friends a hard time because they talk to me, or come over, or you see them enter/exit my house. That is just being silly. Do I do that to you? No. So quit it. If they want to play with "the cool kids" for an hour or so, get over it. They can come over to your place another time. That's the benefit of living so close. This isn't a battle over ownership of our friends. If you don't like me, fine. If you don't want to hang with me, fine. Don't take it out on the other people just doing their thing. It isn't fair to them and it's rude. And, yes, I'm looking for a place to move. Give me some time and I'm gone. You guys can keep your Woodriver palace. I want out of this town anyway. No big deal. Just be patient and I'm outta here. I'm sorry things ended this way. I'll take my half of the blame (but only my half!) and I'll even send out a sincere apology for anyone WE hurt. That wasn't OUR intention no matter what anyone says. WE were wrong. I'm really sorry that everything got turned upside down and that I consequently put all of our mutual friends in a very awkward position. I tried to make things easy on everyone. Anyway, I just needed to get that out there. I'm tired of pretending like nothing happened and like everything is great. It's not. I'm very sorry. What else can I say or do to make this any better? What do I have to do? Why is he okay with everyone, but I'm not? What did I do that he didn't? If memory serves me, he was there too. I'm open to working things out however I can. I need help to do that, but I'm willing. I don't despise anyone or wish anyone ill will or anything. Again, I'm not saying I want to be BFF with everyone, but I'd like to put forth an effort to be *nice*. Is that such a terrible thing? I want things to be okay. How do I do it? I need your help. I miss my friends. Feel free to let all parties involved view this. I'm not trying to hide this post. They just refuse all types of communication. That doesn't mean I can't try anyway. Current Mood: optimistic | | Tuesday, April 5th, 2005 | | 2:51 pm |
Yup, still here.
First of all, YOU'RE WELCOME. Ungrateful people... Secondly, Hunter pretty much rocked my socks. I love being in the barn. It was so creepy (and warm). It was really nice. Afterwards, we dodged off to Jim's to do some hot-tubbing. That was so relaxing! I needed it so bad. Then we headed home to survey the damage to Jim's car (someone hit it while we were out in Marissa). Other than that, things have been relatively quiet. I want to welcome Josh R. home! I feel like such a jerk for not writing. I thought about it constantly, but for some reason, never knew what to say. I got a raise and I'm in training for a promotion at BB. I'm so happy to finally get a raise. I haven't gotten a raise in over two years. Wayne just doesn't have the money, but it makes me feel worthless sometimes. Maybe I am. I mean, I am typing this from work! *LoL* No, seriously, I slack off because I get no pay raises. I think it's fair...so does he. It works. I have so much I want to say on here. I just want to blurt out so much, but I don't have the guts. I'm so nervous about drama anymore that I've decided that I should mostly keep my big mouth shut or at least try to. :-D I do want to say that it hurts when my own neighbors despise me soooo much that they won't even enter the same courtyard as me. It's just one more reason to get out of this town. The neighborhood is getting WAY too crowded for me. Anyway, I'm heading back into hibernation now. Current Mood: okay | | Wednesday, January 26th, 2005 | | 1:41 pm |
A question
I was wondering today, how many people would suddenly reappear in my life if I became a millionaire over night? Would all of these assholes who pretended to be my friends for so long just zap themselves back into my life and be all buddy buddy? If I offered to buy all of my "friends" brand new cars, who would show up asking for one? I bet there would be a lot of disappointed people at my doorstep. I'm just morbidly curious. |
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